It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
