Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
