farters have to be the big spoon...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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