did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
