You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
