I want to stick my p in your. b.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
