I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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