I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
