bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
