dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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