In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
