in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
