I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
