After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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