is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
