I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
