I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
