So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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