Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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