just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
