get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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