You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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