Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
