Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
