Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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