As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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