I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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