Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
