i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
