I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
