I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
