SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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