We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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