whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
