Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
