I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
