That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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