so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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