i just sent this text using only my big toe
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
