By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
