Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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