he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
