Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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