I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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