I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
