just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
