i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
