____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
