if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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