ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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