Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
